Adoption Story

I have felt the need to write a blurb or two or three about our journey to adoption. As most of you know Russ and I adopted our little Gracie Girl. The baby road was not an easy one for us, I was the issue not Russ, with PCOS as the cause. For me to be the problem was one I couldn't wrap my mind around. I seemed healthy, my mom conceived if she sneezed--I thought it all would be easy. I didn't know what was going on in my husband's mind to be honest, he puts on his usual kind, supportive game face and goes about life with a happy, cheerful heart. This is not to say he didn't have his own emotions running rampant in his heart. On top of all the emotions you add the sting of hearing everyone around you is having a baby either by choice or by accident.

One year into "infertility" and six cycles of clomide on top of metformin, and I had enough. Let's just say my hormones had run amuck. Russ never mentioned having me institutionalized but I am sure the thought crossed his mind. We decided we had enough and went off medications. It was then that we decided to turn it over to God and wait.

This is not to say that it got easier for us once we decided to turn it over to the Lord. It was a real test of our faith. Both Russ and I had felt strong impressions that it was time to start our family. We struggled understanding why God would make us feel this way, but make it seemingly impossible for us to bring a child into the world.

Everything changed in early November of 2004. We recieved a call from Russ's dad explaining a situation of a girl in his parents' ward by the name of Alisha. Alisha had become pregnant during her engagement, and the young man whom she was to wed decided he couldn't be a part of it all and broke off the engagement. After much prayer, Alisha had made the difficult decision to place the baby for adoption. The way I understand it is that she prayed about giving the baby up and our names had come to mind. I had never met this girl, though I imagine that Russ's parents had shared our story with Alisha's family in passing and they thought of us as they prayed for an answer to their prayer asking the Lord with whom they should place this precious little baby. Little did Alisha know that her decision would be an answer to our prayers as well. When asked by Russ's parents, "What do you think?" I cried and told Russ, "Tell them yes, please tell them yes."

I can't put into words what it means to Russ and me to have Gracie in our home (though I imagine you have already seen from the number of blog entries about Grace that we, like many parents, are a bit obsessed with our child). There's not a doubt in our minds that Grace was meant to be in our home. And hindsight has helped this experience become an incredible faith-building tool for us. The strong impression of "it's time to start your family" which at one time was a source of great frustration to us, was the same feeling which helped us recognize that the phone call we received from Russ's parents would change the course of our lives.

I find it amazing how the Lord so thoughtfully and kindly places people in our lives years before they are ever go to be of influence. Who knew that our two families would have such an experience as this? Obviously, neither of us knew the magnitude of the other's situation. For me, there is no question that the Lord's hands guided us to one another. In the end when I think back on this experience I thank God for Alisha. I am thankful that he never left Alisha's side, he gave her the strength needed and the ability to be in tune enough with his will to make a decision so dificult, she truly is a blessing beyond belief. We love you Alisha.

Attitude ...

I have been thinking a lot about my attitude towards my daily life lately. I often find myself annoyed or bugged by things that are either out of my control or just small things to which I shouldn't even give a second thought. I have been trying to find ways to change my attitude, such as exercising more, reading a fun book, and getting out of the house with Grace more often--thinking that my attititude must be connected to boredom. It wasn't until this morning, though, that I realized the answer was much more simple than that.

The chain of events went like this... I was trying to write my monthly presidency message for our RS newsletter. This month's topic is "Providing Relief." I am thinking, "Ugh! What do I have to say on this topic? I don't know anything about this," "I feel so green in the area of church knowledge," and "I am sure people will read this and go, 'Humf! What does she know?'" As I am researching and typing, typing and researching I came across a talk entitled "Service, a Divine Quality," by Elder Carlos H. Amado. In this arcticle he talked about ways in which we can follow Christ's example in service and then one section hit me like a ton of bricks.

A Change of Thought and Attitude:

"I know that God loves us. He allows us to exercise our moral agency even when we misuse it. He permits us to make our own decisions.

Christ cannot help us if we do not trust Him; He cannot teach us if we do not serve Him. He will not force us to do what’s right, but He will show us the way only when we decide to serve Him. Certainly, for us to serve in His kingdom, Christ requires that we experience a change of thought and attitude.

“For how knoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart?” (Mosiah 5:13).

"Christ cannot help us if we do not trust Him; He cannot teach us if we do not serve Him. He will not force us to do what’s right, but He will show us the way only when we decide to serve Him. Certainly, for us to serve in His kingdom, Christ requires that we experience a change of thought and attitude."

My attitude was not just a refelction of boredom, it was a reflection of my spirituality. How embarrasing to think and say. Needless to say I am working on being more positive, more uplifiting, more forgiving ... and the list goes on. The important thing for me to do is work on those things not with a heavy heart or discouragment, but to be hopeful in the midst of all that needs to be changed or learned.

Grace has a new older man in her life. We went to bear lake with some friends a few weekends ago and Grace absolutely adored their oldest son Garret. While sitting in Garrets lap playing a computer game she looked up at him, gazed into his eyes and said "I love you". All of us heard, gulped and had a good laugh. Kids are so sincere and honest.

Adventures in dressing

I have surrender to the fact that I can no longer dictate what my child wears, well not always. The only thing I can do is pick out cute clothes and trust in Gracies ability to throw an ensamble together. Here is the outcome of two situations where I have asked her to pick out clothes.She asked me to lift her in the mirror so she can see how beautiful she looks. Note the shoes are on the wrong feet.





Google Bret Micheals and see who wears the bandanna/ hat combo better Grace or him. No more rock of love for Grace ha, ha, ha.

Feeding the fish

Grace and I took off to Vegas for a week and a few days while Daddy was in NY. I love going to Vegas, not so fond of the weather but the company is a lot of fun to have around and it is 24/7 that I have someone to play with when I am there! We got to hang with my sis and her family and then went to Papa's house (my dad) for a few days. He took us skiing at Lake Meade. This is always a fun trip because we get to feed the fish. The fish frenzy is like nothing I have ever seen. You throw popcorn out and they come by the hundreds--I swear if I had the guts I could walk on them. Grace loves it because for every one piece of popcorn she throws out she gets to eat two pieces. Look at my little one share (now if only we could apply that concept to her human friends--ha, ha, ha).

My little bro's decided to go a little Bear Grills on me by luring the fish and catching them with their hands. Unfortunatley the efforts were fruitless, but comical to watch!

Uncle Luke and Grace feeding more fish!